Duality of Fathering

Earlier this week I wrote about how amazing my wife is and how that makes me want to step up in being a good father and husband. I started writing that post while they (wife and son) were in the bath. When I left for work that day a powerful moment occurred.

Before leaving for work I put on my winter cap. When my son saw me wearing mine, he wanted to wear his. That little moment always makes me smile. He wants to be like his daddy.

I put on his cap and turn to grab my bag and head off to work. That’s when the little guy held up his arms for me to pick him up.

He wanted to come with me.

He wanted to come with daddy.

I have him a hug. Told him I loved him but I was going to work. I can’t say how much he understood, but he did get that he couldn’t come with me.

And then he started crying. Bawling. The cry he usually reserves for wanting mommy. That cry of a toddler’s deep sadness. It both broke my heart and reassured me that I was doing a good job.

Cut to today. I’m tired. Time is slipping away faster than I want. Some how I only have time to eat, get ready, and run out the door. I don’t have time to play or even to really help my wife. When I try and play my son half plays and half asks for him mom.

I leave. I get a quick kiss from the both of them and head out the door. I don’t feel so good about today. I should have done more. But there just wasn’t much time.

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