Deadly Troubadour

So, I slept with a super scientist.

I didn’t know she was a super scientist when it happened. Her name was Tina. Other than that all I knew about her was she had nice hips that tapered into a flat stomach and that her tits were just big enough to fill my hands. That first night was warm. We were on that fine line between tipsy and drunk, or at least I was. I thought she was. Everything about that night has a hazy shade over. Everything I remember has that wet dream quality. I can only get flashes of sensations and pulses of images. I know that we were here and she was soft and that I, well, finished on her chest before falling asleep.

After that it gets more confusing. When we went to bed I thought it was my place, but when we woke it was somewhere else. Should I say when I woke up? She wasn’t there. I couldn’t find anything. There was this long hall that didn’t seem to end. At least not until this door appeared all of a sudden. Just, boom, there it was. It opened up into this… Closet, I guess. I mean, there were clothes, but behind them was what you would get if you commissioned a steam punk fan to construct a stable. Everything was copper and the were wires and diodes and vacuum tubes. But there were these stalls and the stalls had hay, like straw, strewn all over the floor. On they straw were these animals. They were golden haired cows, but not really cows. Like half cow half bear. And they were all nestled together, like giant hamsters. And one raised its head and looked at me. They eyes were intelligent and familiar. Like looking into a mirror, but a mirror image still looks hollow. These eyes looked alive, like there was a soul. I had to get out of that room.

I went back, but this time there wasn’t a hallway. The door opened right into the kitchen. Tina was there she had made coffee and poured me a cup. It was good coffee. She thanked more for last night. She was just wearing a t-shirt and when she moved I could see her panties. She hide nice thighs. Muscular, but still feminine, you know. I tried to make a joke that would maybe lead into another round. She said maybe later, that she had to check on the progress of her experiment.

I’m thinking “what experiment?” Thats when she tells me “I harvested some of your DNA from your semen from last night and some I’m growing sentient life in the pocket dimension in keep in the back one my closet.”

What do you say after that? I think I asked for more coffee. I finish the cup and ask if I can take another look. She says they’re my descendants go ahead and she starts setting the dishwasher.

I go back through the door. The steam punk stable is gone. Instead it’s something out of a Conan movie. The one with the governor at least. I haven’t seen the one with the Game of Thrones guy. So, I’m in this desert and in front of me is this little kid, but he’s got the same colored hair as those cow-bears. And he says something to me in this weird language. When I don’t say anything he pulls out this little sword. He looks like he’s going to start swinging, so I go back through the door. I’m back in the kitchen.

She still playing with the dishwasher. I ask her about the cow-bears and the little boy. Seriously, what is up. She tells me that the pocket dimension works on a different speed of time. But that I’m immune or something. Like I didn’t have to worry about coming back really old, or like in the future or anything. I don’t know. That’s when I notice that it isn’t a dishwasher it’s some sort of control screen computer thingy. She said it let her monitor temporal and evolutionary changes or something.

No, it doesn’t make me a sexist for thinking it was a dishwasher. It was not because she’s a woman. It was because A) it was in the kitchen and B) I swear she put her coffee cup in there. Maybe it’s both, I’m not a super scientist.

Then she kind of frowned and muttered “nuclear holocaust” and told me I’d better hurry up if I wanted to see the last survivor.

I go back through the door and it’s like that movie Waterworld. Now not the water part, but that part where Costner goes underwater and it’s all those wrecked buildings like the skeletons of buildings. Like that, but dry. And there is just this shriveled old man. His gaunt and in rags. He’s got the saddest eyes. But he sees me and smiles. He whispers something I can’t understand and closes his eyes. And that’s it. I leave and shut the door.

Now Tina, she’s dressed. She’s got this suit on. No, not like a costume, like a suit, like someone who works in an office or something. She tells me she’s got to get to work and that she can send me a highlight real of the civilization if I like, but that I need to leave its here science it probably isn’t safe to stay there by myself.

I didn’t ask what could happen.

But we walked outside and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. Said she’d call.

No, she did and we’ve been dating like two months now.

Said the whole civilization thing was like a test. She analyzed the data and it turned out that my crew had eliminated poverty and hunger, and established a world wide peace a respect for all cultures.

The nuclear holocaust? Turns out there was a faulty variable that resulted in like, a marauding band of aliens, or something. Total outside influence, nothing to do with me.

Turns out its her way of screening guys for a second date. She says normally she just discretely gets a hair follicle or something but, hey, that’s not really my business. I don’t judge.

She’s something special. It’s still early, but yeah, she might be the one.