Toddlers are Drunks

I have two amazing children. One of them is six and the other is two. The are magical beings that remind me that the world is capable of love and infinite kindness.

But they have also taught me that there is much overlap in the world of drunks and small children. One youngest, who was also having a bit of a struggle tonight, showcases that frequently.

First off, since she is still developing language, a lot of what she says comes out as coded gibberish. Usually when can get her meaning, but it can also be just random noises and the occasional context free word thrown in for good measure.

Then there can be mood swings. My little one can go from smiling to sobbing in rocket ship speeds. She once cried because socks. Not socks on, or socks off. Just socks. As a concept. Tears. And I held her and agreed until it was time to play again.

I’m also sad to bring up that sudden violence can also be a part of living with a small child. Last week we were playing with some dolls who were taking turns sharing their favorite colors. I must have given the wrong color because next thing I know, I’m getting smacked. (I could now go on about how I tried to make it a teachable moment, but I’d rather make myself giggle by thinking of little drunk children.)

Speaking of which, bathroom time. Yep. Two groups that aren’t always in tune with what their body is trying to tell them: Drunks and toddler. I’m sure every parent has experienced this during toilet training. A child that sits on the pot for a good long well only to stand up and then give you a reason to clean the floor. Hopefully not as many of us have stories that feature someone (perhaps ourself?) leaving a bathroom only to have to struggle to reverse directions and make it back in time.

Between the gibberish, poor impulse control, balance issues, and the ability to sleep in positions that seem uncomfortable at best, toddlers are basically little drunks.

Unlike drunks, it is also a little sad when they grow out of that stage. My six year old is just a cool kid. he has his own insight into the world and is so eager to learn more. Every stage he has gone through has been a wonder to see.

But it would be amazing if I could magic him into that toddler stage just one more time.

And before anyone suggest it, no, I am not getting my six year old drunk.

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