Tomorrow is the Game and My Mind Wanders

If you go with the idea that once you get paid for something you can call yourself a professional, if tomorrow goes well, I’ll be able to call myself a professional DM. That’ll be neat.

Right now I am just trying to fight off all that crippling self doubt. I’ve prepped, I have numbers ready, i have a story down. I’m all good. Except for that feeling that I haven’t done way near enough. But that will likely be there no matter what, but the truth is I might not have.

This past week has been pure holiday time, and I am first and foremost a family man. That means that I’ve been trying to be with my kids a good amount. Except when I need a little bit of a break here and there. And even as I write this, I feel like an imposter because I’m sure there were times when I could have done more with them.

Either way i slice this cake tonight, I can’t help feeling like I am not pulling my weight appropriately in either direction. And don’t get me started on how little writing I’ve managed the past two weeks. Shameful.

The truth is, I would love to get paid for creativity. Writing and music and being a DM/Storyteller. I think I would excel at that. Unfortunately, my family would go hungry. But there is always the chance that if I keep moving forward that all those creative little desires might one day be able to afford me a decent enough life that I can focus on them more in a full time manner. But until then I need to keep squeezing them in where time allows.

But, gee whillickers, can that be exhausting.


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