Deadly Troubadour

Okay, so, we were at lunch. That’s me and Rika, my wife. We went to a curry place near us, one of those places that seems like every time you go I. There is a new crew working there so that each time the flavors are different. Today it was tasty, but what will it be like the next time.

Anyway, we were there and talking about our different works. I teach and write. She has recently started her own salon that does both spiritual style counseling and chiropractic work. Yeah, it’s a wonder we haven’t taken over the world yet.

We were talking about our works and when we got onto mine she basically said that she is not sure if I’m going about things the right way.

Basically, her point was that I’m working hard on posting here, but am I really teaching people. Not just getting them to read here, but actually reaching them.

Her thought is that there is something about what and how I write here that kind of keeps people at a distance. And rather than keeping them there, I should invite them in. I should write like I’d write to a friend. I should open up.

I really didn’t know how to respond. I thought I was being open.

But am I?

I don’t know.

Maybe not.

But here’s the thing. It has been a while since I’ve really felt safe to be open. Being open means expressing doubts. Or at least that is part of what it means to me. And I have a hard time seeing anyone wanting to stop by this little site to see me express doubts and work my way through things.

But what else is it to talk to an potential audience like a friend? What else do you talk to friends about?

I’ll be honest. I don’t have a lot of friends. Sure, there are a lot of people I’m friendly with. But that’s different. And so many times I start to think of someone as a friend, and then things change. Sometimes I feel line if I start to really open up too many people don’t really want to see what is behind the mask.

See. Right now, I’m already feeling like even opening up this much that I’m already losing people who might otherwise be interested in reading here.

What I really want to do is write my stories and talk with so many people. And learn. Never stop learning. And supporting those I can and offering what I can offer.

But I feel that if I try to do any of that now, there won’t be enough time in the day to take care of my family. My own needs are in the distance.

I don’t know. Opening up is scary. And talking to people like you’re friends always sounds nice, right up until I stop and think about how hard it is to make friends now.

Sometimes I really do wish it was like it was when we were younger when we could just be friends if we both liked Spider-Man.

But then I also remember that back then very few people actually cared about Spider-Man so it was me by myself reading a comic.

So, yeah. I’m going to try this whole let’s be friends thing and maybe being more open. We’ll see.

Right now, it seems kind of exhausting.

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